Another new phase
What a strange and proud moment this morning when our three children went, for what is the first and will be the only year, to the same school. Heath started in pre-school at Grafton, while Humphrey enters Year 6 and Hester hits Year 3.
It’s always been Miranda who has taken the proud door step photos in the past. How proud she would be of her three beautiful children – impeccably behaved and full of smiles and laughter – skipping hand in hand down the Holloway Road together on the way to school on the first day. Complicated drop-offs and pick-ups not withstanding, all three kids had a good day with their new teachers and old friends. Stuffed full of fish fingers, chips and peas, they are heading to bath and bed in our well-honed but strangely new school day bedtime routine.
The end of the holiday has passed so fast and I think it has brought change more than progress. People keep asking how we are, and I think they’re casting around for signs that we are somehow improving, or that the grief is lessening. I can’t say that it is. I think about Miranda a hundred times a day. What’s happening is that we are learning that some of our fears are not coming to pass. We can get through a holiday. We can have fun without Miranda. We can go to school. Next week I return to work, and I hope that I’ll discover I will be able to function and operate – and even that I will benefit from some new distractions.
What remains is the reality of life without Miranda. We miss her warmth and love, her sparkle and colour, her physical presence and tenderness, her counsel and her humour. I feel very lonely without my best friend and lover by my side.
Thank you all for your love and support over the last months. As we enter this next phase, I hope I will be able to speak to or see more of you. Please do keep thinking about Miranda – and if you can write down a story, I’d really appreciate it. We’ve been sent some wonderful stories but there are many yet to come. Please do take half an hour and give it your best shot! And if you have any trouble submitting through the website, just drop me an email and we’ll sort it out.